Why “winning” can cost us more than we think
Honor is a word we hear a lot—sometimes in stories, sometimes in the news, sometimes when people want to prove a point. But what does it really mean? And do we ever stop to notice how easily we can lose our honor while trying to defend it?
Honor is often a strange mixture of many things—pride, fear, hate, shame, courage, Howard Thurman
Let’s break it down: honor isn’t just one thing. It’s a strange mix of pride, courage, truth, fear, hate, shame, and even cowardice, all bundled together. When we talk about defending our honor, it often means we’re trying to survive “on our own terms.” That’s a little different from just surviving. It’s about holding on to our self-respect—about not backing down or letting anyone make us feel small.
But here’s the twist: when we fight to protect our honor, we sometimes give up the very thing we want to protect. Picture two people in an argument. Both think they’re defending their honor. Words get harsh, feelings get hurt, and pride gets in the way of understanding. By the end, even if someone “wins,” what has really been gained? The fight itself might have cost both people their honor.
There’s an old saying, “No one ever wins a fight.” That means nobody really comes out ahead, because something is always lost along the way—friendship, respect, or even self-worth. It also hints that maybe we don’t always have to fight in the first place. Or, if we do, we can choose how to fight.
Think about it: not fighting at all is actually a choice—a weapon in itself. Sometimes, walking away or responding with kindness is harder than throwing a punch or shouting back. But that choice can show real strength.
Maybe the real test of our character is in the “weapons” we choose. Do we pick anger, harsh words, or stubborn silence? Or do we dare to use patience, understanding, or even love? Of all the ways to respond, love is the most powerful—and the most dangerous—because it asks us to be open, to be vulnerable, and to risk being hurt. That’s not easy. But when we trust in love, we can change the outcome of a fight before it begins.
In the end, true honor isn’t about being right or coming out on top. It’s about choosing the way we respond, even when we’re tested. And sometimes, the bravest thing we can do is to put down our armor and fight with compassion.
Minister A Francine Green
afrancinegreen.com 